Just when I thought my negotiation skills were a remarkable cross between those of Theo Epstein and King Solomon, it turns out that my woodcutting pact is dead.

Or at least inert.

To recap: I want the 20 acres of forest behind the cabin thinned by Bob the Woodsman.

He has promised to do so; he has vowed to send contracts and secure the blessing of the DEP.

According to our deal, Bob will take more than half of the gross proceeds.

But at least some revenue will come forth to Your Scribe - whose goal is to become a mini lumber-baron so I can write off cabin costs my taxes.

But in the eight weeks that we have been discussing the project, no work has been done.

I won't even go into the old saw of "If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it . . etc."

No tree, no twig, no tittering titmouse has been disturbed in the least.

Today I sent Bob a letter. (That kind of assertive action should show him!)

I told him that if he is too busy for the project, I will get another logger.

We'll see where this "Walk softly, and carry a big roll of postage stamps" strategy gets us.

(Aside No. 1: I saw Garry the Logger cutting wood across the road, and he hinted that he'd like a job when his work is finished. But Gary's "portfolio" shows that he is a clear-cut type of guy, taking every tree except the ones that line the road. I want only a 50 percent thinning - if that).

(Aside No. 2: Is there a market for yellow perch, like in Asia somewhere? I caught a dozen this weekend including a few that were a foot long. They are so boney, though, that I throw them back.)

(Aside No. 3: I got "Poulan bicep" last weekend from trying to start my chainsaw. I don't know what I am doing wrong, but the 14-inch blade refused to engage despite dozens of pulls. Gary the Logger started it one one pull, though, so I am not ready to call the manufacturer - the Poulan Manufacturing Co. Kidding aside, my arm is really sore!)

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