If I could be the Maine Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife's Commissioner for a day, things would be different. I would not listen to the Sportsmen's Alliance of Maine ideas. Who needs B.A.S.S.? They can stand on their own two feet. And, Trout Unlimited would have to take a breather; I would do as I please. Oh, if I could be DIF&W commissioner for a day…

I would sit back in my large chair gnawing on my old corn cob pipe giving it a puff every now and then. I would contemplate the things to be and make changes at a drop of a hat. I would institute laws creating hundreds of catch and release ponds for people that have fished for more than twenty consecutive years. I would institute a policy of "open season" on any illegally introduced fish species; the interpretation and definition of such species would be left up to the individual. Poachers would be hung at high noon and the saloon would be the central meeting spot for outdoors men and their discussions. Oh, if I could be DIF&W commissioner for a day…

I guarantee people would not like me. I would institute my policies and only mine. Hunting on Sundays would be allowed. Fly fishing would be outlawed. And, the only fishing with live bait would be for children under twelve that had a fishing license. Oh, if I could be DIF&W commissioner for a day…

I would have meetings with sportsmen at the local watering hole. Roberts Rules of Order would be thrown out the window. Order by six shooter would be enforced. Discussions would be open and free; all objecting to my opinion would be subject to special inspection and thrown out on to the street. Oh, if I could be DIF&W commissioner for a day…

I would allow hunters to take as many deer as they wanted. Hunting seasons would be instituted for winter, spring, summer and fall. Ice Fishing Season would be abolished. And, bird hunting would only be allowed on Thursday afternoons from three to four. Oh, if I could be DIF&W commissioner for a day…

I would allow people over ninety-five to fish without a license if they only had one leg to stand on. I would promote healthy habitat for the propagation of fish. Beaver hunting would be outlawed; the only trapping allowed would be for mice. And, if you wanted to purchase a pelt, the maximum price would be set at a dime. Oh, if I could be DIF&W commissioner for a day…

I would research the feasibility of using ice breakers to extend fishing opportunities for open water fishing. All dams would be torn down. Floods would be rampant. If you wanted to fish from a boat, tough luck. Fishing from Kayaks would be banned. The canoe would be brought back into proper lime light. Oh, if I could be DIF&W commissioner for a day…

Oh, if I could be commissioner for a day, people would up in arms. I would be locked up, judgments would come forth for the criminally insane, and I would be institutionalized. My outlandish ideas would be aborted, and all would see the humor in this particular posting.

Oh, if I could be DIF&W commissioner for a day…

E-mail this entry to a friend