I was driving back from Bunganut Lake on Tuesday with my Aunt Theresa, when a gobbler jumped in front of my truck. My aunt yelped and I smiled! What is a grown man to do?

I had been dreaming of purchasing a fresh organic turkey for the holiday. Not so fresh that it would slap me if I made a rude remark, but fresh enough to have never seen long-term storage at 33.3F. And now, the great Turkey god was answering my dream. There, in front of my truck, which was traveling at fifty miles an hour, was the freshest, biggest, organic turkey I ever laid eyes on. A Wild Turkey straight from the woods of Maine! It must be organic if it lives in the Maine Woods! Or is it? Hmmmm?

To think of it, to be certified organic the turkey must contain no artificial growth hormones, be fed food free of pesticides, commercial fertilizer and human waste products. Well….I don’t believe that there a ferries running around the Maine Woods injecting every wild turkey with a special concoction of steroids and growth enhancers. So, we are pretty safe on that one.

Butt, and I doo mean Butt, the human waste products could be a problem. Hunting season is here and hunters are trampling through, sitting of stumps and traversing the woods in every way imaginable. And I assume that like most people, those hunters get called to duty occasionally. And if you are in the woods with no porta-potty, I imagine a little human fertilizer is left on the wood’s floor. What if a turkey stumbles by one of those strains of grass growing next to where the hunter found his calling???…..Well…..this could be trouble! I may have to ponder this one.

I come back to my senses and grab the wheel of my truck firmly. The turkey turns, it looks me straight in the eye. My aunt is seeing feathers; I am seeing dinner. I jerk the wheel swiftly to the left, the tires squeal as I try to avoid my dinner, and my seventy-four year old aunt is pressed firmly against the passenger door.

I hear the shrill of a new born baby’s cry; I see my life pass before my eyes; I see the lone Turkey Dinner fly right into an adjacent field; My Turkey, My Love, fades into just another dream.

Happy Thanksgiving Yaall! Thanks for reading my postings; hopefully, some of these chuckles make your day a little brighter. God Bless You All!