Loren Coleman and his cryptozoologist pals have been in the news a lot lately. With tales of Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, the abominable snowman... They even held a symposium on the topic this past weekend at Bates College.

I tried to contact them recently regarding evidence of a Maine Beer Troll, a stealthy creature that lurks in the dark corners of pubs across Maine, but I was ignored completely.

Snubbed.

I even ponied up some photographic evidence.

Nothing.

Fine.

Hey, we've got all kinds of weird and creepy thing out there in the Maine woods, and all these crypto-guys have is nothing but old and blurred videos and photos of their supposed creepy monsters.

Baloney.

We've got the real thing mister. And it's time to break things wide open here in Maine with the latest crypto-discovery...

Yes, that's right.

In Orono.

The Big Blue Beast.

I visited there a week ago to attend a strange annual ritual held on the campus of the University of Maine. They call it "homecoming." Thousands of rather strange people of all ages gather together for one, and seemingly only one, purpose that I could discern: to consume a certain frothy brew. They call it "beer."

I sampled it throughout the weekend. And it was good. So good in fact that it almost threw me off of my most important mission: To find evidence, and possibly capture, the Big Blue Beast that is known to inhabit the area each fall.

Despite the potion I had consumed, I was still able to break away from the rituals going on all about me to search the area for clues.

They were not hard to find.

Big blue paw prints were everywhere. At least a foot across and a foot and a half in length.

I was taken aback, if not a bit shaken. Scared even.

This was a big creature. And it was here. Somewhere. Maybe closer than I thought.

I carried on, but looked over my shoulder frequently. This was nothing to fool with.

Dauntless in my search for the scientific truth, I searched the campus from one end to the other. From the student union building to the banks of the Stillwater River. From the football stadium to Pat's Pizza in town.

And I queried all who I passed. To no avail.

I received only quizzical looks from people. Then distain. Then fear. Parents ushered their children to the side as I passed. Men and women screamed and scattered.

"Don't you know," I cried? "There's a monster out here, with big blue paws! He's going to get us all! Doesn't anyone care?"

... then my buddy Pete woke me from my nap in my chair in the sun. It was time to go into the football game.

Too much of the strange brew apparently. Or maybe not enough.

In any case, Happy Halloween!!!