Bad idea.

But not so, according to officials at the Maine Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife.

Yep, sitting there at breakfast the other morning, quite relaxed, reading the paper, cup of coffee and bagel half stuffed into my maw, I read the latest take on saving people from themselves in Maine's out-of-doors:

"We are now telling people who plan to be involved in outdoor activities to take their cell phone, especially if they will be in remote areas," said Mark Michaud of the Maine DIF&W.

{Coffee spilled, and bagel chunk spit out onto the floor here}

Jeez, you've just gotta continue to wonder what the heck is in the water up there in Augusta! (Note to self: When in Augusta drink bottled water only. Or beer.)

Where do I start?

First of all, what good is a cell phone in remote areas? For chrissake it only works half the time out on our heavily-traveled highway corridors.

Claims are that a cell phone with advanced technology has a GPS chip embedded in it, and that when turned on, can help locate a lost outdoorsperson.

If a signal can be picked up. And exactly how likely is that in the back-of-beyond?

Not very.

I was out hiking last weekend in a remote region along the Maine-NH border. At one point during the day I happened to reach back and feel my cell phone still in my back pocket.

Did I have it along to rely on in case of an emergency? Not hardly, bub.

I'd forgotten to empty my pockets and hence it made the trip with me. And just for yucks I flipped it open to see if I had a signal. Nothing.

Good thing I wasn't in trouble, eh?!

Let me tell you a little something about cell phone use in the backcountry: Crap!

There's nothing I loathe more than some shmuck atop a 4000-foot peak on his cell phone yakking at high volume: "Hey honey, you'll never guess where I am?!"

Cell phones in the woods? Nada.
Image courtesy StickerGiant.com

But that's not the real problem.

It's giving Joe and Jane Hiker the idea that he/she can blast off into the woods willy-nilly and no matter what happens, one quick call on the cell phone and voila! Salvation will arrive and rescue them from their own stupidity.

Do you really believe this is the way to go? Something that our outdoor officials should be promoting?

I think not.

The alternative?

Hold on to your hats here, folks.

The most important piece of equipment a person can take into the backcountry with them is...

A brain.

It must be turned on, of course. And while out hiking, paddling, x-c skiing or whatever it must be used to observe one's surroundings, consider the weather and its variability and compensate appropriately, monitor the physical functioning of the individual and other group members, and formulate and carry out a continually changing plan that ultimately ensures one's own safety and survival.

Emphasis on "one's own." Who in their right mind would enter the backcountry thinking frivilously--and dangerously I might add--that, hey, if anything happens somebody will come and fish me out. That's exactly how countless numbers of people and their hoped-for rescuers have perished.

No piece of technology is more important in the outdoors than the brain. Bring it with you every time you go out and use it. It will save your life.

Gadgets fail. Batteries die. But a well-prepared, well-fed, well-clothed, well-hydrated outdoorsperson will always have the advantage in a tough situation.

Don't fall into this innocuous trap. Rely on yourself and your know-how, otherwise referred to as common sense. Yes, technology is cool. Except when it doesn't work.

Feed you brain and it will work every time. And there's a high probability it will keep you out of trouble, too.

What do you think of cell phones in the backcountry? Had an occasion to use one in an emergency?