My shelter from the storm, my haven on earth, my raison d'etre...

Gone. Just like that. Gone I tells you.

It's as if the Center of the Universe itself has imploded.

My compass is broken - shattered - and I shall now wander aimlessly in the forest...

What the hay, you say?

Please, please, I beg of you in my grief: Be kind, gentle, understanding.

Bleacher's, that hallowed hall of beer and chicken wings, sports and trivia, upon whose cocktail napkins countless fine outdoor (and indoor) adventures near and far were planned...

Bleacher's of Portland has closed its doors!

Trail Head weeps at the permanently closed door of Bleacher's in downtown Portland.
Ann Mazerolle photo

Yes, dear Trail Headers, I received The Word of Bleacher's demise late yesterday from owners and dear friends in beer Chuck and Gladys.

{gasp}

Oh, the humanity of it all!

Even now, as I gaze out from my office window at its rooftop I cannot believe that my elbows will not again rest upon the finely grained wood of its bar top.

Where oh where I ask you shall we go now for succor in this time of great sorrow? How to carry on?

Trail Head takes a moment alone outside Bleacher's yesterday.
Ann Mazerolle photo

Uh, oh.

"Beer prices are likely to climb. How high is anybody's guess."

Given the seriousness of this news I am considering cancelling all outdoor activities--hiking, backpacking, mountain biking and possibly skiing--until further notice.

Beer, it being an essential food source (remember: beer has food value, but food has no beer value) for the active outdoorsperson, is apparently in short supply, and with prices due to skyrocket as if it were barrels of crude, I feel I am left with no choice.

I must begin immediately to homebrew again. There is no time to waste. Sufficient stocks for the winter months at least must be produced. Soon. Now!

So, I'm sorry my Trail Head friends, you may not see me out there tromping the trails for awhile, as I'll be busily slaving away over a hot stove in my soon-to-be-reconstituted home brewery (otherwise known as my kitchen).

It must be done. It HAS to be done...

Heavens, I mean what is the alternative I ask you?

No, no, please don't say it. I cannot bear the horror, a life without comfortable quantities of affordable beer.

What emergency steps are you taking to avert a beer crisis in your life?

A comment on an old Trail Head blog came through this morning and set me to a good chuckling. Re my post on the nasty hoax about the breakthrough development of dehydrated beer, an enthusiastic Ruth commented:

"If we can put a man on the moon, in the name of God, can we not develop dehydrated beer? Can you imagine how successful a business this would be?
There's got to be a way, got to be a way."

Ditto that Ruth. I couldn't agree more.

Given this great country's long history of innovation and entrepreneurism you'd think full well that such an extraordinary feat could be accomplished, would have been by now, wouldn't you?

And what a boon to mankind would it be! Never mind the implications for hikers and outdoor enthusiasts alike!!

Dehydrated beer - a product for the consumer masses, for the ages. Able to be transported easily and better, able to be consumed wherever a source of water could be found. Just mix, stir and enjoy.

Ooooh! Ahhh! Yum!

Who will be this Einstein of Beer? And when?

A Nobel Prize for Beer Science awaits you, O Great One!

That, my dear Trail Head amigos, is the $64,000 question of the day.

What is this hubbub all about you ask?

Trail Head sleuth John M, connoisseur of all things cold and frosty, uncovered an interesting bit of news that could alter life on the trail as we know it forever...

Powdered alcohol!

"Top it up with water and you have a bubbly, lime-colored and -flavored drink with just 3 percent alcohol content."

Voila!

OK, let's state upfront in the strongest terms that the idea of selling such a product to minors, as the article mentions, is a dumb and dangerous idea, one which should never happen.

That said, the product is potential winner with the lightweight backpacker crowd ever concerned about pack weight.

Yep, no more tearing the labels off tea bags and sawing the handle off your toothbrush and other ounce-saving measures just so you can afford to tote a Nalgene bottle of cocktails along on your next hike.

Brilliant!

So now one must naturally ask, can the perfection of dehydrated beer be far behind?

I think, and hope, not.

Imagine...

It's the end of a hot, sweaty day on the trail. Camp is set up. You want to kick back and relax in the wilderness. You go to the stream and fill your canteen with cold mountain water. Then you tear open a packet of dehydrated Gritty's Pale Ale, mix it in, and what do you have...

Backpacker's nirvana!

TGIF my friends. Make it a good weekend!

Hey, it's Friday, it's cold and raining, and all my volunteers for this weekend's trail maintenance work trip up to East Carry Pond on the A.T. have bagged due to the forecast.

So forgive me if I'm feeling a bit cranky.

Or was, anyway.

Until I discovered a bit of news that's as good as manna from heaven... pizza beer!

“It's pizza and beer in a bottle,” says Tom Seefurth, a self-proclaimed beer nut from St. Charles, Illinois.

Will wonders never cease?

I just love this guy!

All four food groups combined into one tasty beverage... a complete meal in a bottle!

This could very well revolutionize modern living. At least for me!

No more cooking, no dishes, no mess. Just pop the top and enjoy!

{twist} ahhh...

Consumers will be able to "try some 'Mama Mia' beer... in the next few weeks. It is being sold at Walter Payton's Roundhouse in Aurora (Illinois)."

And I'll be waiting with garlic breath for it to come to Maine...

Seeing as how it's Friday afternoon, and I'm setting here just a waiting on the weekend clock to start ticking...

... I wanted to be sure you knew that beer labeled with butts and other body parts will, after all, be allowed into Maine.

It's a clear indication that yes, our state government can, on occasion, render effective decisions.

Well, cheers to that!

Given all this good news I'm very inclined to run over to RSVP on Forest Ave. and see if I can find a rack of this formerly nastily labeled brew.

And then maybe enjoy a couple this evening at the homestead whilst I pack up the gear for some hiking and skiing this weekend.

Now how's that for a plan?

What've you got going for outdoors fun on this first very mild weekend of the new year? And further, what's on your beer labels? Eh???

Many thanks to Trail Header Mike, ever in search of liquid refreshment, for passing along information about an emerging adventure destination: The Czech Republic and its pivo trails.

Pivo trail?

Lemme 'splain.

You see, "pivo" is Czech for beer.

Ah, now I get it, you say.

Beer trails, much like our own wine trails here in the US (Napa Valley in California for one) are becoming a popular thing in the Czech Republic, expecially in the heavily beer-laden regions of Bohemia and Moravia.

And why not?

Not only is the Czech Republic and its mountainous countryside, with its extensive trail and high hut system, a scenic and friendly place to visit in its own right, it boasts 450 beers made by 100 breweries.

Bonus!

And the Czechs claim their country to be the beer-drinking capital of the world, consuming an average of 320 pints per year per person.

My people!

Bohemia in particular, is said to be "the fountainhead of most beer in the world."

My goodness!

The origin. The source. My holy grail!

Not surprisingly, I am already dialing up my dear travel agent in search of air fares to what may well be my next big adventure abroad, the "ultimate beer run" if you will.

Trekking pack is out. Gear list in hand. "Hello, AAA?"

You in???

Now that I think of it, why not a "beer trail" here in Maine? Hmmm... Gotta go. I've got serious work to do!

I'm a big fan of alternative transportation. Yep, I am.

Clean, efficient, energy-saving, healthy, money-saving. All that good stuff.

Road bikes and mountain bikes fit that bill. And I own one of each. And use them.

They're good basic transportation for getting around. But they have their limits.

You have to pedal them, first off, causing you to sweat. And all that work and sweat makes you thirsty. Very thirsty. A water bottle attached to your bike is handy, but, well, just not that satisfying. And that narrow, poorly padded seat. So uncomfortable.

I could go on.

That's why I was so excited to discover the ultimate in recreational transportation: The Cooler-Scooter!

Sleek, inexpensive and so efficient. Hop on one of these and you'll be the envy of the neighborhood.

Getting hot and thirsty on your ride? Not a problem with the Quick Access Door!

Simply reach down, pop open the door, and pull out an ice cold beverage to slake your thirst! No need to gulp down your drink either. Simply set it into the convenient drink holder in the door lid and continue merrily on your way.

Going on a long day's ride and can't pack enough beverages and food into one unit?

No problem.

With the Cooler-Scooter Trailer Hitch (standard equipment), simply attach another cooler wagon or two, and you're good to go!

The Cooler-Scooter! A marvel of modern transportation technology. And the perfect mode of transport for the thirsty recreational enthusiast!

Brilliant!

Trail Head wisecracker Sim asked me today just how many beers does it take to trek across Corsica?

Well Sim, it's a grueling hike, for one thing. Long days and lots of up and down with a heavy pack. And it's pretty hot and humid, too. So right there you've got to know that keeping up your fluids is critical to good health and the overall success of the trek.

Fortunately, the Corsicans are well versed in hiker health and welfare issues and therefore, provide frequent refuges and bergeries along the route where parched walkers can replenish their vital liquids.

They've even gone so far as to install solar panels at each refuge in order to fuel refrigerators to keep the life-sustaining beers at the proper serving temperature.

God bless them!

Enjoying a cold Pietra (for medicinal purposes) on the deck of the Refuge d’Ortu di u Piobbu.

And should a couple of cold ones not satisfy the thirsty Corsica hiker at day's end, for a few more euros one can purchase a bottle of vin rouge de Corse, chock full of disease-resisting antioxidants.

About to enjoy a bottle of Corsican red wine with our Mountain House meals, Refuge de Petra Piana.

Both myself and my hiking buddy Phil can attest that the ready availability of these precious liquids allowed us to carry on daily in the face of very difficult conditions and were a factor in our ultimate success.

So, Sim I hope this answers your very important and insightful question.

Anyone else?

By the way, I think it only appropriate, given my just concluded research on the health benefits of beer and wine on the trail, that I approach the AMC and the Maine Huts & Trails people, and lobby for beer and wine to be made available to thirsty hikers at those facilities.

You with me on this?

(More photos of this awesome hike to come next week!)

It's Friday. Yeah.

I'm done. Out of energy. For regular work anyway.

So, in my mid-afternoon, post-lunch daze I turned to Google for some entertainment.

Today's search would be for that most sought-after product, that dream come true item for us hikers and backpackers who enjoy a cold malt-based beverage but can't or won't carry the damn cans along on the trail. Enough to satisfy anyway. So we make do with a road soda on the way to the trailhead. And a pub stop post-hike.

But what if? What if someday, someone would, could invent "dehydrated beer"?

Makes my imagination run wild. You too?!

Imagine stopping into Hannaford to buy groceries for your next weekend backpack. And along with your Lipton noodles, oatmeal and tea bags, you toss in a six-pack of dehydrated beer packets.

Later on, miles up the trail at your pretty lakeside campsite, you mix up a Nalgene bottle full of cold mountain water and a packet of the precious dehydrated Geary's or Gritty's or Sam Adams, shake well, and enjoy.

OOOOOhhhh. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Carey! Carey! Wake up! It's all a dream!!

NO! Say it aint' so, I tell you.

But it is, sorry to say.

My Google search for "dehydrated beer" brought a brief flicker of hope when I came across a site called DehydratedBeer.com. But then, slow as my synapses are firing on this Friday afternoon, I knew I had been duped.

"Master crafted with genuine dehydrated water." Damn if I catch you mister!

And so the search, the hope, the dream continues for this parched hiker...

The great State of Maine.

The way life should be.

Vacationland!

Fly fishing. Kayaking. Moose. Camping... and Vacationland Summer Ale!

You just gotta love Gritty's and their instructions for a great Maine vacation, especially that last step!

And you've gotta love that it's almost Friday.

This weekend it's off to the Moosehead Lake area for some backpacking in and around Big and Little Moose Mountains. Maybe pack in a couple of Vacationland's to wash down my mac & cheese...

Ever been out on the trail and gotten a serious hankering for a taste of the bubbly?

Yeah, me too. Happens all the time.

Well now, with this fancy little champagne-toting backpack you can keep your favorite bottle of Moet y Chandon perfectly chilled on your hike! And it neatly holds a couple of fluted glasses to boot.

What a rig! Perfect for the true gearhead! And just what I've been looking for.

Of course, I would substitute in a six-pack of PBR pounders and two beer mugs. And maybe stash a pack of beer nuts in there too.

But then, that's just me...

Everybody needs a few giggles to get over the hump each week. Don'tcha think?

I sure do. Laughter cures all.

Take for example, the Argentine woman who lives in a nest up in a tree. Now that's really getting back to nature.

Or the Australian man who couldn't find the biggest rock on Earth. The man was driving through the outback looking for Ayer's Rock, a huge monolith and one of the world's most recognizable natural features. Less than a 100 yards from the rock, the man hailed down authorities to ask where it was. He was soon enough arrested for drunken driving.

And my favorite...

A family brewery in the Czech Republic has opened the world's first beer spa.

Note to my dear travel agent: Sign me up and get me plane tickets!

According to owner Jiri Plevka: "I have heard of some places in other countries where people can swim in beer but it's just a gimmick. We believe in the healing properties of beer and we offer the full range of treatments. We are a fully-fledged beer spa."

The healing properties of beer. Who woulda thunk it.

And swim in beer? Where the hell are my trunks?!

It's another beautiful day outside. Don't waste it. Get out and laugh a little.

... Happy St. Patty's Day!

And just for you rabid gear fanatics who also happen to feel the same way about Guinness, here's a new gadget for you.

Have fun! Safely, of course.

A regular Trail Head reader who is inclined to play a few rounds of golf occasionally (considered legitimate outdoor recreation by some, including myself), and therefore apt to work up a considerable thirst, took one look at the cooler-bobber for boaters the other day and exclaimed, "Hey, how about something like that for us golfers?"

Me being a "certified recreational cooler specialist" and all, I got right to work.

I cracked a cold one and began an exhaustive search.

Soon enough my cooler-sleuthing paid off.

Thirsty golfers, here's your answer:

The Original Covert Cooler. Made to discreetly carry the life-sustaining liquids essential to a fine round of golf.

Loaded with cool features, it easily transports and conceals your thirst-quenching golf necessities.

A downside to the Covert Cooler that I have observed is its volume. It only holds nine 12 oz. cans of adult beverages vs. the cooler-bobber which holds a full compliment of 12 brews. So the average thirsty golfer may run a bit short on a typical round of 18 holes.

But the way I see it, you're much less likely to get thrown off the course with the Covert Cooler and nine beers tucked neatly away in your golf bag than by trailing the the rather obvious cooler-bobber along behind you as you play.

The cooler-bobber, however, would seem to make a handy toy to kick around on the fairway somewhere on the back nine after you've consumed its contents and couldn't really give a crap anymore about your golf game.

As you can see, there are pluses and minuses that will require your serious consideration. You make the call.

But I digress...

The Covert Cooler comes complete with a detailed user's manual. Easy as 1-2-3, even for, well, persons a minumum level of skills and abilities.

And, as you might expect, the Covert Cooler is multi-talented and performs well beyond the golf course. "On the beach, at the park, for tubing, snowmobiling, mudding, canoeing, horseback riding, camping, fishing and hunting."

Now that's an ambidextrous-type piece of gear for sure, dontcha think dee-yah!?

So there you have it my dry-mouthed golfing pals. The stealthy, efficient, highly functional Covert Cooler. A wonder of modern man's ingenuity. And a must for the active outdoorsperson.

Next question please???

I was thumbing through the latest issue of Field & Stream last night when I came across an item that might be of interest to kayakers, rafters, canoeists and other like-minded fringe elements of the outdoor world:

A cooler-bobber.

Yep. Holds 12 adult beverages plus ice.

Seals up nice and tight. And floats!

Just tie it up to your rig and voila! Your cooler takes the ride through the waves right along with you.

And just when you've battled the rapids and your thirst level has peaked, you simply reel in your bobber and pop out a cold one.

Can life on the water get better than that?

I just discovered that it takes exactly 3 minutes and 34 seconds to hike at a moderate pace from my office to the new location of Bleacher's Sports Bar and Restaurant on Preble St.

Here's the details if you'd like to join me on this highly recommended trek in the future:

Trail: Marginal Way & Preble St.
Town: Portland
Length: 0.5 miles round-trip
Time required: About 7 minutes round-trip (not including lunch and a beverage)
Difficulty: Easy
Elevation gain: Slightly uphill
Directions: From my office, negotiate way across Marginal Way, bear left, then go right up Preble St.
Highlights: Excellent refreshments for the weary traveler. A fine diversion from the busy work-a-day world.

Your reviews on this hike are welcome!

Hiking, biking, kayaking, canoeing, skiing, climbing...

Okay, now that adventurous outdoor activities have at least been mentioned, let's get on with the serious stuff.

Just as the wild animals of the East African savannah flock to the precious watering holes in the heat of summer, so must thirsty Portland area adventurers gather at Bleacher's for post-activity liquid sustenance when it re-opens later this week, very likely on Friday, according to owners Gladys and Chuck.

It won't be a moment too soon. It's the heat I tell you. Making me wicked parched...

Yes, it's true.

My compass, my point of reference, my center of the civilized world, my source of great joy and happiness and sustenance and liquid refreshment is...

... closed. Gone. Albeit temporarily.

Yes, that's right folks. Bleacher's Restaurant & Pub on Forest Ave., a Portland icon these many years, closed its doors last evening. But not before a raucous evening of Monday Night Trivia amidst a crowd that was wall to wall and mug to mug.

I was there, of course, with several other local adventurers, my butt seated comfortably on a familiar stool, my elbows rubbing the familiar wood of the bar, my hand clutching that familiar pint glass. We drank (responsibly of course) and reminisced and yucked it up. It was fun. It was sad. It was the end of an era.

But alas, owners Chuck and Gladys assure me that Bleacher's will be re-opening in their new location at 118 Preble St. in Portland sometime in the next month. And there will be cause for celebration once again.

But in the meantime, there will be a void. Where will we adventurers go for sustenance and liquid replenishment after mountain biking, road biking, hiking, sea kayaking, walking the Back Cove, and other strenuous physical outdoor activity?

That is the tough question I ponder today. How to make it through.

So I ask you, what will you do to fill this temporary void?

If any of you adventurous types happen to find yourself in the vicinity of Oldham, England this coming weekend, you may want to consider participating in the annual Beer Walk. According to the official Beer Walk website, "the event consists of a 10 mile walk in fancy dress with only 6 pints of beer as sustenance."

I'm not sure about the 'fancy dress' part of it, but the walk and the beer sure sounds like fun. And damn if the English don't know how to have a good time, outdoors and in. I can certainly attest that they do!

Hmmm. Maybe I should check with my travel agent today...

Hmmm.

Do you think it's possible that the heady growth of Maine's microbrew beer industry in the 1990s could in any way be related to the extraordinary growth of the Maine Outdoor Adventure Club during the same time period, and all of its happy, fun-loving, and perennially thirsty members?

I wonder.

Erin Go Braugh! Luck O' the Irish to ye! Happy St. Patrick's Day to all adventurers, Irish or otherwise!

It's a good day to don your green sweater and socks, lace up hiking your boots, and tramp on over to your favorite Irish pub to raise a pint or two, wouldn't you agree? And while you're there, maybe plan a big trip or two on the back of a cocktail napkin. Surely, that's how my best trip planning gets done!

Given the spirit of the day, why not consider a walking trek in Ireland? On the famed Dingle Way, or maybe across the entire country!

Hmmm. Now I wonder how many pubs you'd pass on a trek across Ireland on foot?

... Beer!

Leave it to fellow adventurer and connossieur of all beers good and bad, Carl, to come up with proof positive that beer is, indeed, an essential item in the outdoors. In fact, your very survival could depend on it!

For one man, it really did. Buried under an avalanche in his car, a man consumed the 60 bottles of beer he happened to have with him and urinated his way to safety.

"I'm glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there," the man said after.

What courage! What determination! My new hero! I wonder if you or I could take such extraordinary measures to save ourselves in the face of such danger. My cap is off to this brave man (my beer cap, that is)!.

Thanks Carl, for the link, and for making my day.

I'm outta here soon for a road trip to Vermont for some skiing. I'll very likely be laughing about this still when I get there. You can bet, too, that I'll be packing a load of beer in the car with me... purely for emergency purposes, of course. You just never, ever know, now do you?

Sometimes it seems that all trails lead to the Great Lost Bear. That's not a bad thing, mind you. And it's always good to see a friendly face behind the bar there, pouring a pint of your favorite beverage.
Proper fluid replenishment just makes good sense after vigorous outdoor activity. Just ask any MOACer!

Not only is the GLB is a great place for refreshments, it's a good place to hang out with friends while planning the next adventure... the next trail to hike, ski area to visit, or river to be kayaked. Many a wild trip has been planned on the back of a cocktail napkin for sure!